Okay, so I was going to leave it at the one post and the birthday greeting for Samuel, but I think I need to follow through on my resolution. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Or so someone somewhere said once... Though he/she didn't say it to me. I can pretend they did. But I digress.
I have been struggling with weight a long time. As in too much weight. (don't even get me started on those people who have to force themselves to eat so they don't get too thin, lucky ducks! more digression, perhaps it's stalling tactics. Anyway.....) I have a love hate relationship with food. I love it, in almost all its forms, and it in turn makes me hate my body. A nice symbiotic relationship.
In 2000-2003 I managed to lose about 65 pounds and kept it off for 2 years. Since then, however, I have gained 85, so it's time to see the light and get better again. I know I can do it, because I've done it before, but because I am now 10 years older (eep!) it will be harder. So, I need your help, and you can help just by reading! This is your lucky day! You will help, won't you? I knew you would. Okay, read on, dear one, read on.
I decided that one of the things that was holding me back was that I was thinking I could hide it until it got better. Sure I look large, but since I'm 5'2", it might be deceiving and people might not know just how bad it really was. So I'm not hiding it anymore. I'll violate one of the most closely guarded rules of femalehood: I'll declare it openly. Here goes....**big breath**....
As of a week ago, I weighed in at 240 pounds. This puts me in the category of morbidly obese. Not just in the category, but jumped in with both feet, over my head. I try to forget it, but it's time to face it head on. I figure if I tell you what I have weighed, what I currently weigh, and my goals, then it serves several purposes. 1) I can't hide it anymore, 2) I can in some ways be shamed into changing that weight, but in a good way, 3) You can give me encouragement (though this doesn't need to come with actual words, just good thoughts while reading my journey with me, and 4) I will be more determined to keep each pound in the past, and not let it ever come back again, because who wants to report bad results?!
I am down 2 pounds from a week ago. Hurray! I am ready for it to be more. I am ready to be accountable for what I put in my body and how I work it to make it stronger.
The ideal body weight for someone my height and frame is somewhere between 120 and 140 pounds. So I have two, well okay three, goal weights, 1) to get back to 155, which I shall call my realistic goal since I've done it before, and 2) to be under 140, which I shall call my ideal goal, and 3) to be 120, meaning I'd have lost half my weight, which I shall call my unrealistic but distantly possible goal. It would be fun to think of myself as losing half my weight, or in other words lose an entire person (the "fat" me, if you want to think of it in self esteem language), or in other words become half the woman I used to be, ha ha! I will only focus on the realistic goal to show my progress. My header line when talking about my weight will be my current weight, the percentage of total weight loss (pounds lost divided by 240), and the percentage to my goal (pounds lost divided by 85 total pounds to lose). If I keep these numbers public, I can't hide behind anonymity. I will have to do something about it. People will ask, so I will want results to show them. I CAN DO THIS!! I think I'll go have a carrot. :)
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