Thursday, June 30, 2011
nothing to say
Sat here with my hands hovering over keys for 30 seconds. If I can't think of somethin witty and fun within that time frame, I give up. But at least I thought I'd let you know that I tried.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Simple fun in the heat
That's the motto for the Dallas trip. Did a lot of walking. Saw most of old downtown and had a good meeting with coworkers. Now back home for me. Where it's cooler. But only just.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Written on the airplane
One more place where it's abundantly clear that I'm too big. I'm sure that the guy next to me in the middle seat is spitting vitriol at me in his thoughts because I chose this flight and this seat. His body language is quite verbal. Right, as if I love to make myself and him super uncomfortable. I just adore rubbing legs with a stranger when there's no where else to go. I am blissful when my hips are too wide for the armrest to go all the way down, so when he puts his arm on it, it digs into me. I'm not experiencing utopia until my back has a crick from leaning unnaturally as far to the side as I can go and holding there so he will have some room, which he of course will use to get that said arm onto said armrest. Yes this is how I get my kicks. Only an hour and a half left to enjoy this zen state!
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Sunday afternoon
At about four or five, I'm tired enough for a nap but I know that if I take a nap then, I'll never get to sleep. Proof positive tonight. Blah. Maybe I'll go read Isaiah. Or the psalms.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Testing my new app
With a blink of a skilled, tech-savvy eye, I can now update you with ease. No more signing in to a web site for me. For now I have an app! Ha! Take that, slow 3G!
So I'm freakin' out
I can't believe I posted my weight. It's eating me up inside more everyday and I'm wondering why I couldn't keep my big mouth shut! I am so ashamed! But that's the whole goal, isn't it?! The whole point was to reduce it so I would never have to see that number again, except in the sense of, "can you believe she used to weigh 240 pounds?!"
Deep breath. It's okay. You're strong enough to get through it. You can do it. Just keep telling yourself happy strong affirmations......
Deep breath. It's okay. You're strong enough to get through it. You can do it. Just keep telling yourself happy strong affirmations......
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
238, 0.83%, 2.35%
Okay, so I was going to leave it at the one post and the birthday greeting for Samuel, but I think I need to follow through on my resolution. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Or so someone somewhere said once... Though he/she didn't say it to me. I can pretend they did. But I digress.
I have been struggling with weight a long time. As in too much weight. (don't even get me started on those people who have to force themselves to eat so they don't get too thin, lucky ducks! more digression, perhaps it's stalling tactics. Anyway.....) I have a love hate relationship with food. I love it, in almost all its forms, and it in turn makes me hate my body. A nice symbiotic relationship.
In 2000-2003 I managed to lose about 65 pounds and kept it off for 2 years. Since then, however, I have gained 85, so it's time to see the light and get better again. I know I can do it, because I've done it before, but because I am now 10 years older (eep!) it will be harder. So, I need your help, and you can help just by reading! This is your lucky day! You will help, won't you? I knew you would. Okay, read on, dear one, read on.
I decided that one of the things that was holding me back was that I was thinking I could hide it until it got better. Sure I look large, but since I'm 5'2", it might be deceiving and people might not know just how bad it really was. So I'm not hiding it anymore. I'll violate one of the most closely guarded rules of femalehood: I'll declare it openly. Here goes....**big breath**....
As of a week ago, I weighed in at 240 pounds. This puts me in the category of morbidly obese. Not just in the category, but jumped in with both feet, over my head. I try to forget it, but it's time to face it head on. I figure if I tell you what I have weighed, what I currently weigh, and my goals, then it serves several purposes. 1) I can't hide it anymore, 2) I can in some ways be shamed into changing that weight, but in a good way, 3) You can give me encouragement (though this doesn't need to come with actual words, just good thoughts while reading my journey with me, and 4) I will be more determined to keep each pound in the past, and not let it ever come back again, because who wants to report bad results?!
I am down 2 pounds from a week ago. Hurray! I am ready for it to be more. I am ready to be accountable for what I put in my body and how I work it to make it stronger.
The ideal body weight for someone my height and frame is somewhere between 120 and 140 pounds. So I have two, well okay three, goal weights, 1) to get back to 155, which I shall call my realistic goal since I've done it before, and 2) to be under 140, which I shall call my ideal goal, and 3) to be 120, meaning I'd have lost half my weight, which I shall call my unrealistic but distantly possible goal. It would be fun to think of myself as losing half my weight, or in other words lose an entire person (the "fat" me, if you want to think of it in self esteem language), or in other words become half the woman I used to be, ha ha! I will only focus on the realistic goal to show my progress. My header line when talking about my weight will be my current weight, the percentage of total weight loss (pounds lost divided by 240), and the percentage to my goal (pounds lost divided by 85 total pounds to lose). If I keep these numbers public, I can't hide behind anonymity. I will have to do something about it. People will ask, so I will want results to show them. I CAN DO THIS!! I think I'll go have a carrot. :)
I have been struggling with weight a long time. As in too much weight. (don't even get me started on those people who have to force themselves to eat so they don't get too thin, lucky ducks! more digression, perhaps it's stalling tactics. Anyway.....) I have a love hate relationship with food. I love it, in almost all its forms, and it in turn makes me hate my body. A nice symbiotic relationship.
In 2000-2003 I managed to lose about 65 pounds and kept it off for 2 years. Since then, however, I have gained 85, so it's time to see the light and get better again. I know I can do it, because I've done it before, but because I am now 10 years older (eep!) it will be harder. So, I need your help, and you can help just by reading! This is your lucky day! You will help, won't you? I knew you would. Okay, read on, dear one, read on.
I decided that one of the things that was holding me back was that I was thinking I could hide it until it got better. Sure I look large, but since I'm 5'2", it might be deceiving and people might not know just how bad it really was. So I'm not hiding it anymore. I'll violate one of the most closely guarded rules of femalehood: I'll declare it openly. Here goes....**big breath**....
As of a week ago, I weighed in at 240 pounds. This puts me in the category of morbidly obese. Not just in the category, but jumped in with both feet, over my head. I try to forget it, but it's time to face it head on. I figure if I tell you what I have weighed, what I currently weigh, and my goals, then it serves several purposes. 1) I can't hide it anymore, 2) I can in some ways be shamed into changing that weight, but in a good way, 3) You can give me encouragement (though this doesn't need to come with actual words, just good thoughts while reading my journey with me, and 4) I will be more determined to keep each pound in the past, and not let it ever come back again, because who wants to report bad results?!
I am down 2 pounds from a week ago. Hurray! I am ready for it to be more. I am ready to be accountable for what I put in my body and how I work it to make it stronger.
The ideal body weight for someone my height and frame is somewhere between 120 and 140 pounds. So I have two, well okay three, goal weights, 1) to get back to 155, which I shall call my realistic goal since I've done it before, and 2) to be under 140, which I shall call my ideal goal, and 3) to be 120, meaning I'd have lost half my weight, which I shall call my unrealistic but distantly possible goal. It would be fun to think of myself as losing half my weight, or in other words lose an entire person (the "fat" me, if you want to think of it in self esteem language), or in other words become half the woman I used to be, ha ha! I will only focus on the realistic goal to show my progress. My header line when talking about my weight will be my current weight, the percentage of total weight loss (pounds lost divided by 240), and the percentage to my goal (pounds lost divided by 85 total pounds to lose). If I keep these numbers public, I can't hide behind anonymity. I will have to do something about it. People will ask, so I will want results to show them. I CAN DO THIS!! I think I'll go have a carrot. :)
My monthly pity post
So, to give all you starving fans a post, I can oblige. Still no internet at home, and it's not looking to be soon (boo!) so quick minute at work to say this month has been crazy and cool. A new house to work on, learning the intricacies of watering/mowing lawns, Lowe's to visit more often than I have ever done in my life, finished three quilts, watched a bazillion movies, rode my bike once, got fatter (more on that later), and a brother married to a very nice girl, over a long weekend that involved 11 house guests, 2 receptions, a baby blessing, at least 17 hours of driving, and 3 trips to the airport.
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