So I was reading over some posts, and realized I've been a downer lately. My apologies to anyone who might be reading it. I'm really trying to be positive. I really am. I know from experience that it is gargantuanly higher odds to lose weight when you're positive vs negative.
I've wanted to be completely open and honest, because part of my weight journey this time has to be admitting to my problems. Which causes me to be a little depressed to have to admit to it. But at the same time it's liberating to talk about it.
Which leads me to my next admission: I have sleep apnea. I've known for at least 4 years now. And I know it's weight related. And hereditary. My dad has it too, though he has not admitted it, even though we have all heard it over the years. He snores loud, then stops, and it's the silence that is scary, until 5-20 seconds later, he takes a huge intake breath that wakes him up.
This is why I know I have it too. I snore. Another admission, though this is common knowledge already to those in the know. :) Lately I've been waking up 5-10 times a night with a big breath. For just a split second every time, I can feel how my body was trying to compensate for lack of oxygen . Usually I'll only be conscious for about 10 seconds or less, but sometimes I can't fall back asleep. This is doing a lot of havoc to my sleep cycle and ability to feel rested.
Here's the other admission which is even more..., well, deadly. I have a condition, which I think is either acid reflux or something similar. My throat sometimes burns when I wake up in the morning. But worse than that is when I'm experiencing acid reflux in a big way at the same time as the apnea kicks in. In the few seconds that I haven't taken a breath, the acid gets a chance to take hold of my whole throat. I wake up gasping for breath. My wind pipe is contracted to the tiniest little hole that I can barely suck any air in through. While getting as much air as I can (which is not much), I am also pulling the acid down into my lungs. It is completely horrifying to be alone in the middle of the night with no way to breathe and my throat is burning and I don't know what damage I'm doing. Then I can forget about sleep for at least an hour or more after that. I am thinking too hard, coughing too much, and too terrified to go to sleep and have it happen again.
It happened last night for the first time at the new house. I probably haven't experienced it since 8 or 9 months ago. I try not to think about it, so every time it happens is such a traumatic experience.
To make a long story short (too late!) it is one more reason that I need to wake up and pay attention. No more putting it off. If I lose the weight, I will at least lose the sleep apnea, and hopefully also the reflux. One of these times it's going to be just that little extra bit worse that gives me permanent health problems, or worse. If I have no other benefits besides losing the apnea, and the resulting good night's sleep, it will be worth it.
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